Why I Was Late for Work Today
8:15 A.M.: Woke up right on schedule, with plenty of time to make it to the office at exactly nine, presuming that everything would go perfectly, which I always do.
8:25 A.M.: Out the door, still on schedule. Experienced unforeseen delay when it took me ten minutes to walk from my apartment to the train station.
8:35 A.M.: Experienced another unforeseen delay when the train was not, as I assumed it would be, waiting for me at the platform when I arrived. Screen said that next train wasn’t coming for another six minutes. Texted boss, “Ugh trains!”
8:37 A.M.: Calculated that I was still set to arrive at the office at 9:05 A.M., presuming that the causes of all of my delays thus far had now been resolved and that my train would go express, skipping every stop between my home and work.
8:41 A.M.: Train arrived. Experienced unforeseen delay when someone held the doors open for six seconds.
8:42 A.M.: Train got stuck underground for forty-five minutes, making stops that weren’t my stop.
8:50 A.M.: Woman next to me was playing music through her headphones at such a volume that I could kind of hear it. Would rather have heard the music clearly or not at all. This was not technically related to time, but it was annoying, so I feel that it should count in my general defense.
9:27 A.M.: Finally got off train.
9:28 A.M.: Other people exiting station at the same time as me forced me to walk up the stairs more slowly than I would have liked/believed that I deserved to.
9:29 A.M.: Experienced unforeseen delay when I decided to stop to get an iced coffee. Experienced another, even less foreseen delay when there was a person in line ahead of me. Texted boss, “Trains really bad again today.” Felt justified in blaming the situation on the trains because, if my train had been faster, I could have made it to the coffee shop before that other guy, who is probably rich and took a cab.
9:39 A.M.: Arrived at office.
9:41 A.M.: Fired for being late again.
10:19 A.M.: Trip back to apartment only took thirty-eight minutes!