Things Almost as Good as My Visa Élite Topaz Rewards Card
The American businessperson has spoken: there’s nothing quite like the joy of carrying a hunk of metal that earns you a hundred thousand bonus points and no blackout dates. But, if pressed, here a few experiences that come close:
● Absolutely crushing the Brooklyn Half.
● Meeting Elon Musk.
● Texting someone who also uses read receipts.
● Matching with that butt model on Raya.
● Increasing profit margins by eighty-five per cent.
● Getting asked how you’re doing by Marsha in accounting, who seems like she
● Travelling throughout Southeast Asia for three months with only a small backpack, your Apple Watch, and a Nikon D5 DSLR.
● Being interviewed by the Verge about your budgeting app for millennials.
● Petting a puppy and remembering your childhood dog, Beans, who you used to tell
your secrets to.
● Doing the Whole30 for ninety days.
● Taking a warm epsom-salt bath while listening to Freakonomics.
● Outselling Grace, the new regional-sales exec, who is super smart but also, like,
kinda pushy, right?
● Deadlifting three hundred and fifty pounds.
● Freebasing a delicious sugar-free, almond-milk matcha latte, packed full of
energy-balancing amino acids and immune-boosting adaptogens.
● Weeping quietly in Whole Foods.
● Taking a spur-of-the-moment trip to Aspen with a musician you met in the comments section of an Instagram post about Ayahuasca.
● Getting a full nine hours of sleep.
● Finishing a novel for the first time in ten years and realizing that fiction is actually quite beautiful, even though reading it won’t necessarily maximize your efficiency, or augment your left-brain intelligence.
● Purchasing the new Tesla with money you made day-trading cryptocurrency.
● Weeping quietly in a sensory-deprivation tank.
● Realizing that you can optimize everything in your life—your travel, your expenses,
your sleep, your leisure time, your eating habits, your bowel movements—but that
without unconditional love you have nothing.
● Owning the Crystal Platinum M.V.P. Reserve card with five points for every dollar
spent on airfare and three points for all dining, gas, and grocery purchases.